week 6 - Alex | A Right To Write

aspetz
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Posts: 12

week 6 - Alex Jul 11, 2014 18:45:05 GMT -5 via mobile

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Post by aspetz on Jul 11, 2014 18:45:05 GMT -5

A tired cat stretches in the lane
She doesn't seem to mind the coming rain
Summer suddenly arrives with claps and cluds
From the sky falls new champagne

Ducks in the pond love the shifting weather
Knowing rain brings unexpected pleasure
Worms for snacking and cool air for sleeping
The calm drizzle puts us all at leisure

We sit together on the porch step
Trees across the field take deep breaths
Dinner and chores can wait
As we laugh and enjoy this evenings depth

Cir
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Posts: 89

week 6 - Alex Jul 12, 2014 23:27:37 GMT -5

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Post by Cir on Jul 12, 2014 23:27:37 GMT -5

I really like that you only did 3 stanzas. Nowhere does it say there needs to be four, most people just go with it. I like how heartfelt and real this is. The second and third lines in the first stanza could have a few words taken out (seem, to, and suddenly to be specific) as this would make the line fit the rhythm of the stanza better. Again, great poem, the scene is so genuine it makes me think of similar moments I've had.

frodissa Full Member Posts: 99	week 6 - Alex Jul 18, 2014 5:57:45 GMT -5 via Tapatalk Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by frodissa on Jul 18, 2014 5:57:45 GMT -5 I like the rhythm and attention to form. I like the happy. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

week 6 - Alex

Post by aspetz on Jul 11, 2014 18:45:05 GMT -5

Post by Cir on Jul 12, 2014 23:27:37 GMT -5

Post by frodissa on Jul 18, 2014 5:57:45 GMT -5

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