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Post by tedeschi026 on Jun 21, 2014 6:30:31 GMT -5
A plethora of classes
Information so vast
Knowledge made perfect
With memory that lasts
A mind full of ideas
Just waiting their turn
For subjects so perfect
They test what I learned
I need to capture the magic
The chances so few
A simple touch of a finger
Produces treasures to view
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Post by frodissa on Jun 21, 2014 11:09:58 GMT -5
Is this about online college? When I read this, it reminds me of when I was in school online. Also, my brain wants to changed "I learned" into "I've learned", and it wants to shorten "I need to capture the magic" somehow.
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Post by tedeschi026 on Jun 22, 2014 6:44:08 GMT -5
Thanks guy. It is truly about me becoming a photographer. I am taking classes online and I suffer from memory loss due to past spinal meningitis and current meds. So I made a list of words and then wrote some random sentences in a list. When I began to write the actual poem there were some that rhymed and I went with that.
I do understand your comments and next time will stay away from the rhyming.
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Post by Cir on Jun 22, 2014 17:22:41 GMT -5
I think this is a really cool poem. Also while I agree with Tara that sometimes rhyming makes us force words, I have actually never noticed that with any of your poetry. You seem to have a real natural rhyming ability. The words in this poem seem natural to me and I think it flows really well.
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Post by frodissa on Jun 24, 2014 7:04:09 GMT -5
I think your rhyming is great! Don't stay away! Maybe a thesaurus can help you pare down any extra long phrases.
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