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Post by frodissa on Jun 7, 2014 16:27:09 GMT -5
each time he lets go
it's hidden in the secret
we get closer to
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by zachmiller on Jun 7, 2014 19:05:56 GMT -5
I vouch that this was one of the first pieces posted (just not in quite the right place).
My criticism of this is that it is vague, and does not give us an image to which we can relate or attach. The language does have a nice, almost ghostly, flow to it, though. Also, there is a bit of intriguing mystery that this piece presents, and it seems (perhaps this is my projection) that it is hinting at the hard-earned wisdom that sometimes letting go of something is the best course of action.
My best advice is that next time you face a haiku, try to find an image that somehow holds or captures the feeling or message that you want to communicate, and then (because you have only 3 lines and 17 syllables), let the image do most of the work.
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Post by aspetz on Jun 8, 2014 9:20:12 GMT -5
Hmmm...It's not very clear, but i can't stop reading it
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Post by frodissa on Jun 10, 2014 17:13:38 GMT -5
Thanks, guys!  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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