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Post by tedeschi026 on Jun 7, 2014 5:37:08 GMT -5
Watching and waiting
Hugs kisses laughter bonding
Five sleeps and good-bye
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Post by Cir on Jun 7, 2014 16:59:47 GMT -5
Is this about a vacation? If so, it captures the fleeting, rushed excitement really well.
Really glad to see you writing with us this year Lisa!
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Post by tedeschi026 on Jun 7, 2014 17:42:46 GMT -5
I apologize Cir. I believe I did the same thing last year in Haiku week.
This is about my big brother coming home for a visit.
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Post by tarasummerville on Jun 7, 2014 18:31:11 GMT -5
Loved the last line, Lisa:) I know that feeling all too well--- when you're so exciting you count the time by "sleeps". You were able to say so much in just 2 syllables of "five sleeps"
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Post by zachmiller on Jun 7, 2014 19:25:44 GMT -5
I must admit I could not ground this in any particular event until I read the comments from you and Tara. After that, I can see very clearly how each line represents a different stage in an anticipated event - the waiting, the event itself, and then the end. The temporal progression between lines is interesting, and I also think that writing this in Haiku structure can create some commentary on this type of event (for example, that the waiting, the event, and the end all are really just the composites of one event, or that it is important to put your focus on the "good part" (rather than the waiting or the end) and so give it the longest line). However, I do feel that if you were to focus on a particular image noun associated with your brothers's visiting, this would connect to readers more powerfully.
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Post by aspetz on Jun 8, 2014 9:14:34 GMT -5
I could tell immediately this was about a visitor you hate to see go. You've got...5 sleeps and they're gone again.
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Post by Cir on Jun 8, 2014 16:47:00 GMT -5
Very cool Lisa. You did a great job getting your themes across. I knew it had something to do with a visit or a trip, and of course seeing people you love.
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Post by frodissa on Jun 10, 2014 17:17:10 GMT -5
Loved the last line
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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