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Post by tarasummerville on Jun 6, 2014 21:15:03 GMT -5
June
Highland Baseball field.
Street lights reflecting bleachers
and dazed yellow moths.
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Post by Cir on Jun 7, 2014 17:31:30 GMT -5
Even though I don't watch it anymore, baseball was the sport of my childhood. Ball fields seem to speak of order and the refinement of movement. I love the scene you set here with the hazy summer sky reaching for evening. "Dazed yellow moths" is a great line.
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Post by tedeschi026 on Jun 7, 2014 17:53:07 GMT -5
As you know I read constantly. The best books require no work to read. The words flow and you may as well be watching a movie. Others require work to read. The words come into your brain but there is not an instant movie playing. It may be mere seconds but all readers know the difference.
Which sets you apart as an awesome write. With or without a title I see. "Dazed yellow moths" was a simple statement but because you already told us about the streetlights we could see then all whipping around the light. I love this Tara
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Post by zachmiller on Jun 7, 2014 19:15:26 GMT -5
I like that this haiku stayed very focused on a place and image. I like to then try to see what that image says about us (as humans), or maybe just the writer. From this, I pick up that right-now-is-all-that-matters-ness that is particularly present on warm summer nights. Streetlights, bleachers, and moths (particularly dazed, yellow ones - the most important detail in this piece) are exactly the right nouns to give us this feeling. The only thing I didn't like is the word "reflecting," as I feel that (were they the right number of syllables), "lighting" or "illuminating" would have been more… accurate. However, I still get the exact sense that I think this thing is striving for. This serves as a reminder (as do the lyrics of just about any Matchbox 20 song) that having the "correct" word and having the "right" word can be two very different things.
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Post by aspetz on Jun 8, 2014 9:17:56 GMT -5
haiku can really limit what you're trying to communicate, but i could hear crickets chirping and cars starting in the parking lot. Baseball at night is one of those childhood memories that haunts my adulthood. Well done
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Post by frodissa on Jun 10, 2014 17:15:41 GMT -5
What Alex said
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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